10 years ago...

Ten years ago today, my very special, wonderful mother passed away. She was diagnosed with cancer July 23 1999. The doctors said she had cancer in her brain. The following Monday, they ran more tests and found the cancer in her liver, lungs, back and in the bone. I had just turned 22 and couldn't believe that my mom who was 41 was going to die. Radiation and Chemo did not help and during that month I learned all too fast about growing up. My sister Alli was 21, Mel was 19 and Ryan was 14 just going into High school.
Growing up I would say our family was very close. We did everything together and had a lot of fun. Our home was the hang out place to be after school and in the summer we made our yearly school shopping trip to SLC to buy our school clothes. We spent numerous times in West Yellowstone and sightseeing the parks. We spent every birthday together as a family with a few friends over, and every dinner was spent at the table together. We could talk to our Mom about anything. She taught us about working. She worked hard all her life and taught us to appreciate what we have. My mom took me dragging main my very first time with all my girlfriends. First time driving at night. Granted she ducked her head when I got high centered on a curb, but we were all laughing so hard it was funny. She taught me how to cook and clean and grocery shop. I learned a lot from my mother. Too many to put on this blog.
She was the mom that all our friends liked. Our boyfriends liked being at our house. Our friends from school liked coming over and didn't care if our parents were around. My mom was very cool!
In the last few weeks of my mothers life, I was able to spend time with her, take her to radiation, and just sit by her side. I thought a lot during that time also. She would never see me get married, she would never hug me again. She would not be with me when I had babies, and teach me to be a mother. I couldn't just call and talk to her whenever I wanted and ask her how to make something or what should I take if I am not feeling well. She would not be here the rest of my life. It was a very sad time and very special. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her and what a great Grandma she would have made. I know she is in a better place, and that she is watching over me. I know that my babies have been with her in heaven and she has taken care of them before they came to me. I miss my mom everyday and I wonder what she thinks of me? I hope I have made her proud and that when my journey ends, I will be able to wrap my arms around her and never let go. Mom, I LOVE YOU!